Forgive Me Read online

  “Oh my god!” Zippo yelled disturbingly. “Stripe’s down there!”

  “No way!” Doug laughed.

  “What?” Jace felt immediately sick.

  “Let me have a look.” Doug staggered from the telescope. “I think I’m scarred for life. She isn’t fucking sick at all!”

  Zippo laughed even more. “She’s more than sick. She’s got a great rack!”

  “Ew,” Jace grimaced. “You’re disgusting, Zip.” She moved to the window; she wasn’t going to pry. “Who is she with?”

  “I can’t really tell. It's quite dark. All I can see are her boobs at the moment...but whoever’s with her is having a good grope of them.”

  “Stripe’s got a secret then,” Doug said.

  “Looks like it,” Zippo replied.

  Jace pulled the curtain in front of her sceptical friends.

  “Hey, I was watching that!”

  No wonder Stripe didn't invite me. Her back hit the wall. This is massive. My best friend... is a lesbian.

  Chapter Eight

  The next week at school, the gang couldn’t comprehend that one of them had a secret lover. If it was going to be anyone in the group, it would’ve been Doug, not Stripe – she was too anxious for her own good.

  “I’ve always thought she was a dark horse,” Doug said.

  “Who’s going to tell her?” Zippo asked.

  “Nobody is,” Jace replied.

  “But we’ve gotta know who it is, J.” Doug pulled off his sunglasses. “I mean, she’s been ditching us to see this person so they must be important to her.”

  His words hurt Jace somehow. Weren’t they important too? True, Jace had never had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy before, but she wouldn’t simply leave her friends out to bake. Though, Stripe’s situation was different, she was with a girl.

  “Hey guys,” Stripe said, approaching them.

  “Have a nice screw?” Zippo asked, grinning.

  Doug broke into a fit of hysterical giggles.

  “What?” Stripe asked. “I can’t hear you.”

  “How was your flu?”

  “Oh better now thanks,” she said.

  “Yeah I bet it is,” Doug whispered.

  Zippo chimed in on the laughing.

  It’s not funny. Jace looked at Stripe. Why couldn’t you just tell me? Don’t you trust me?

  It was either paranoia or she was being ridiculously silly but for the first time, Stripe sensed the dynamics of her friendship group had changed. Doug seemed different, irritated even. He wasn’t giving her eye contact anymore and if she tried to talk to him, he’d dismiss her.

  The thoughts were whirling around her mind at lunch time. Doug, Jace and Zippo delved into conversation and not a single word of it was ever targeted at her. Stripe wasn’t the type of person to crave attention but she was starting to feel like a ghost. As they all went to class, she nudged Jace. “Is everything okay with you guys?”

  Jace frowned. “Why? What’s the matter?”

  “I don’t know,” Stripe said. “Something’s up. I mean, are you all mad at me? Have I done something wrong?”

  Jace stared for a moment then motioned to the others. “We’ll see you later.” Stripe felt sick and was pulled around the corner towards the lockers. “Stripe, I know about you and Cameron.”

  “What?”

  “I know you’ve been seeing each other because you’re... together.”

  “I’m not a lesbian, J. Please keep your voice down!”

  Jace squinted, scrutinising her. “Then who were you with under the bleachers?”

  “How did you...?”

  “It’s a long story. Doug and Zip are annoyed because you haven’t been honest with them. They don’t get why you'd hide being in a relationship. I mean, I understand why you’ve been keeping it a secret because it’s Cameron. It makes so much sense now.”

  Stripe didn’t know whether to vomit or faint. “I-I-I didn’t... think you’d be okay with it. D-Do you hate me?”

  “Don't assume okay,” Jace replied. “I’m getting tired of you doing that. I don’t hate you. Girlfriend or boyfriend. It doesn’t matter to me. I just want you to be honest.”

  Her best friend’s words singed into her memory when they walked up to her locker. Stripe was floating along, like a leaf bouncing on the breeze. Her best friend knew who she really was now. There was nothing hiding, shivering in the dark. It was euphoric and uplifting. She was a true open book now, well, according to Jace.

  Stripe noticed there was something sticking out of the grilling of her locker. It was a small piece of paper; it had been folded double and doubled over again. She could see the imprints of sweaty fingers and pencil smudges:

  Meet me at the football ground. We need to talk.

  The writing was rushed and messy. There was a feeling of apprehension but Stripe had to get to her English class. She let the note fall into her hands. She had a drawer full of them at home.

  “You don’t have to walk with me,” Stripe said.

  “I’m just cutting through and I'll leave you two lovebirds alone.”

  Stripe blushed a deep crimson. “We aren’t lovebirds, J.”

  “But you’re together…”

  Stripe wasn’t feeling the love right now. There was something about the mood of the note. It had a hard edge, similar to the scenes in television and movies when a character would ominously say: “We need to talk…”

  They marched up the hill to the football ground; the arched necks of the overhead lights loomed. In a way, she felt more at ease and horrified at the same time that one of her friends knew her secret.

  They crossed the peak of the hill and Stripe saw the blackness of Cameron’s shaggy hair. “So, what have you got to tell me?” Cameron asked, rather angrily, turning her attention to Jace. “What’s she doing here?”

  “You’re not very welcoming,” Jace replied.

  “There was a note in my bag saying to meet here,” Cameron snapped.

  “I didn't leave a note for you, Cam.” Stripe got her note from her pocket. “This was in my locker.”

  Cameron snatched it from her fingers. “I didn't write this.”

  “I had a feeling this was bogus, then who sent it?” Jace asked.

  “Ladies!” a booming voice called out.

  They all stared up at Christopher Maxwell, one of the guys in Cameron's gang. He was the one who made that crude remark when Stripe confronted Cameron at the back of the gym. He was standing on one of the steps, with some of his friends dotted around him. They reminded Stripe of a pack of bating hyenas leering and circling around their prey.

  Stripe grabbed Jace’s hand and Cameron whispered something quietly. “Get out of here now.” She looked at Chris. “What’s going on?”

  “You tell us Cam,” he hissed.

  She shook her head. “I haven’t got a clue, sorry.”

  “You lied to us,” Leon Cruise said.

  Cameron frowned. “About what?”

  “That you’re gay,” Chris stated.

  Oh no.

  Cameron laughed. “I’m not.”

  “We overheard Jace and Stripe at lunch time!” Travis Wilson shouted.

  Chris addressed Stripe. “I didn’t know you liked girls, Susan.”

  “I don’t,” she replied, inside she was shaking.

  They all laughed sadistically. Stripe found Chris’s words unappealing and cruel, there was a serious sinister undertone lingering.

  “It’s none of your fucking business whether they are or if they aren’t,” Jace replied.

  Chris's jaw tensed “Well, I wasn’t talking to you, was I Jacey? So shut the fuck up!”

  They stepped to the ground, Leon and Travis congregated behind Chris. He gave Jace a filthy stink eye and walked up to Cameron, lighting a cigarette. “I know what I heard, Cam.”

  “They were talking shit,” she replied, her words stinging Stripe.

  Chris blew cigarette smoke into her face. “I mean, we know you’
re butch for a chick, stronger than most guys. And you said you’d fuck Billy Idol and Judd Nelson.”

  Cameron coughed, waving the smoke away. “I would.”

  “Well, if you like guys so much then.” He indicated towards his friend. “Kiss Travis.”

  Stripe saw Cameron cringe. Travis had way too much acne, a sheen of grease on his face because he didn’t wash and allegedly smoked pot when his parents weren't home. Anyone kissing that face would need to chug back a couple of tankards of beer for initial inspiration.

  “Prove it to us,” Chris smirked.

  Cameron glared at him. “I don't want to and I'm not in the mood for this bullshit.”

  “It’s not bullshit, hun. It’s proof.”

  “Why are you being a prick?” Cameron asked.

  “Just admit you’re a dyke then,” he said, flicking his cigarette in her face.

  Stripe saw the glowing ash hit Cameron’s cheek and then Leon and Travis rushed towards her and Jace. Stripe pulled her hand back and they both began to run, she glanced briefly at Cameron who stood boldly.

  Then from her view, she saw Doug and Zippo running up the hill towards them. “What are they...”

  Her friend gasped. “Did you really think I’d let you come here by yourself after the shady note?”

  Jace. I fucking love you.

  Travis and Leon slowed their pace as they saw the guys approaching.

  “What’s going on here?” Doug said, there was a hint of theatrical glee in his voice.

  Stripe saw the joy on Zippo’s face.

  “Fuck off, Doug!” Travis shouted. “This has got nothing to do with you.”

  Doug smirked. “Well, it appears you’re trying to beat up my friends, so… it is my business.”

  “Why are you sticking up for Chris Maxwell anyway?” Zippo said. “He’s a complete jerk.”

  Doug laughed and Leon didn’t utter a word. “Zip’s right,” he remarked, “and he’d never have your back. The guy’s a slime ball.”

  Travis’s fist came hurtling forward and Doug stylishly stepped back, tripping him up. Leon gawped helplessly but with sluggish effort, he tried to do something motivational, Zippo clobbered him. Leon went down like a balloon.

  Stripe stepped over the two losers who were groaning in pain and ran towards Cameron. “Don’t call me a dyke!” she yelled, kicking Chris in the stomach who was on the ground with a cut bloody lip. “If you ever try and touch me again, I’ll fucking kill you and I’ll tell the whole year how much of a creep you actually are.” Cameron pulled the collar of Chris’s shirt up to her face; he was like a fish dangling on the end of a hook. “Remember Leon’s party? You thought it was funny to put your hand under my blanket when I was sleeping.”

  Travis and Leon scurried over to Chris, pulling him. “You’re a liar, I never touched you. You b-bitch.” Chris was panting like a hungry dog. “You’re dead.”

  “Leave her alone,” Stripe said.

  “So are you... dykey bitch!”

  Cameron lunged forward, catching him in the jaw and the nose. He went down again, blood spurting from his face.

  Zippo laughed. “Getting your nose broken by a girl are you Chris!”

  Travis and Leon picked him up, dragging him across the field. Soon enough, they disappeared into the night. Stripe saw Cameron trembling, going through that type of humiliation was unforgivable. She edged towards her like a wild deer. “Are you okay?” Stripe touched her arm. “What’s the matter?”

  “Go away!” Cameron yelled. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

  “Why? Because of Chris? He's a piece of shit and even he knows that!”

  “I don’t care,” Cameron said. “Leave me alone.”

  Stripe watched in silence as she left. The adrenaline fizzled, the cold muggy fog on the football field nestled by her ankles. Realisation shivering up her back. The tears came down like a willing flood. Stripe walked across the football ground, ignoring the constant questions from her concerned friends. The minute she got to the street; her walk transformed into a hasty run. The minute she turned the corner, her run transformed into a full-blown race.

  Senior prom had arrived and all of the stress and hard work had finally paid off. So much had happened. Bill Clinton had been re-elected as President; the pipe bombing at Centennial Olympic Park, everyone was obsessed with the colourful fantastical world of Pokémon and The New York Yankees were the World Series Champions. There hadn’t been anymore reports of the Night Scrawler murders.

  Stripe and her friends walked into the sports hall; it had been gloriously transformed with purple, red and blue ribbons draped along the walls signifying the colours of the football team. The tables were decorated in rich purple cloths. The food smelt delicious and the music was kicking. The night was good but Stripe couldn’t help but feel a little off.

  Jace rubbed her arm. “What's up?”

  Stripe glanced at Doug and Zippo skanking on the dance floor. “I’m sad. It’s all coming to an end. I mean, I’m excited to go to college. But it’s all over.”

  “I know what you mean, we’re gonna be growing up.” Jace laughed at herself. “Us weirdoes being adults!”

  Stripe was proud of her best friend, she’d gotten into the Rhode Island, School of Design and she'd aced all of her marks. Jace had done an amazing job on her prom dress and she’d done her makeup and hair. She’d given her a stylish smokey eye and morphed her blonde hair into a sideways plait. I really do love you, Jace. Please don’t change.

  Zippo had also found his calling and was enrolling in a nursing programme. It wasn’t a choice the gang were expecting but as he explained the reasons, Stripe realised his exuberant personality and sense of humour were ideal for the career. He possessed the ability to lighten the mood, even if he was down in the dumps; there was always something to joke about.

  Doug was going to be a lawyer; the career was on the cards for him. The way he’d tackle situations and hash them out. Stripe thought about the fight on the football field and the way he’d dealt with Leon and Travis without breaking a sweat.

  Then Cameron seeped into her mind; she’d tried to keep her out. But with this night and what it symbolised; Stripe couldn’t find the strength to hold up the barrier. She’d cried on the way home from the fight and all night. She’d never experienced heartbreak before and it was awful. She’d kept her distance from Cameron, making sure if she saw her in the corridors, she walked the other way. If she slithered into her head, she pushed her out with the thought of something else. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

  “Ummm, Stripe,” Jace said. “Cameron’s here.”

  Stripe turned slowly, and looked up at the tall figure of her ex-lover. Cameron was dressed in a black and white suit, her hair had been combed into a spiked ponytail. She’d even made the effort to paint her eyes with eye liner.

  “What are you doing here?” Stripe asked. “I thought you hated the prom.”

  Cameron smiled embarrassingly. “I do, but I wanted to see you. I didn’t want to leave things like before. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  “You’ve got a lot of nerve coming over here after what you’ve done,” Jace uttered cuttingly.

  “I know and I’m sorry,” Cameron replied.

  Stripe touched Jace’s arm. “It’s okay, don’t worry.”

  “Try to not break my best friend’s heart this time, Cam.”

  Cameron smirked. “You can count on it.”

  “I hope so,” Jace replied, her eyes not breaking hers.

  Stripe got up, giving her a reassuring glance. “It’s fine, J. Seriously.”

  They walked up the stairs to the balcony, there were other students talking in couples and others were kissing each other as if the world was about to end. They found a quiet spot and Stripe made sure she kept a distance from her ex-lover.

  “You look beautiful,” Cameron said.

>   “Thanks, you look good too.”

  “I bought this for you,” she replied, tipping a red rose wrapped in a silky black ribbon.

  Stripe stared at the gift. “Oh, wow. Thanks, you really didn’t need to.”

  “I see you went with my suggestions about your dress.”

  “I did. Jace helped me.”

  “She’s done a really good job.”

  “So, are you going to college?”

  “Yeah, I got into NYU to do engineering.”

  “Congratulations.” Stripe felt an emotional cut deep in her chest. “New York, cool. I’ve always wanted to visit there, see the Empire State Building and everything.” That’s really far. Come on, girl. A surge behind her eyes was coming back and she made herself laugh instead. Stop it. You’re stronger than this. “Well, it’s a good thing you did dump me.”

  Cameron smiled but only for a moment. “Look, I’m sorry. I was so pissed with Chris and the guys, I just...”

  “It’s okay, it was gonna happen. I couldn’t do a long distance relationship anyway. Plus, it’s helped me concentrate on my studies.”

  “Stripe, you can say whatever you want to me. Don’t hold back. If you’re angry, then say it. I want you to.”

  Don’t cry, girl. Come on. Be the better person here. The lighting of the prom had changed and Prince’s Purple Rain rose from the momentary silence. Stripe loved this song and she let her heart open to Prince’s subtle emotive voice. She closed her eyes and felt Cameron's skin on her own, the rose slipped between her fingertips. “I missed you.”

  “Me too. It’s been ripping me apart.” Cameron moved closer, catching the tear she was unable to hold back from Stripe’s cheek. “I’m so sorry.” She moved her mouth over Stripe’s, the link had regrown, joining her back into the mould she’d yearned for. The tears pinched and her skin tingled at her touch. Stripe didn’t care anymore if people were watching. None of that mattered right now.

  Jace was pulling at the petals of the table decorations. She was happy high school was out forever but she wouldn’t be an adolescent again. She was excited to be heading to college, to be a designer but she was bricking the idea of living up to the challenges that were imminently ahead. She knew college was tough for some people, she’d heard the horror stories of debauchery at frat parties and why it was important to keep a thumb conspicuously over the mouth of a beer bottle. She was going to be leaving her friendship circle which she’d invested years of time to build, now with college – she’d have to start from scratch. Why can’t they be interested in textiles? If Doug, Zip and Stripe were coming along with me, I wouldn’t be so nervous.